Parenting Struggles: How Kids Can Strengthen or Strain Your Marriage

Becoming parents is one of the most meaningful and transformative experiences a couple can share. Children bring joy, purpose, and a deeper sense of connection to a marriage. But let’s be honest—parenting is also exhausting, overwhelming, and often pulls couples in different directions. From sleepless nights with newborns to managing conflicting parenting styles, raising children can strengthen a marriage or expose its cracks. The good news? With intentional effort and open communication, couples can navigate parenting challenges in a way that strengthens their bond rather than weakening it.

How Parenting Challenges Emerge

No matter how strong your relationship is before kids, parenting changes everything. You go from being partners and lovers to co-CEOs of a small, loud, demanding enterprise that operates 24/7. Roles shift. Priorities change. Time alone becomes scarce. And sometimes, the stress of parenting leads to disconnection.

Here are some common ways parenting can strain a marriage:

• Disagreements on Discipline: One partner may lean toward structure and consequences, while the other prefers a more nurturing, permissive approach.
• Unequal Parenting Load: One parent often feels like they’re doing more—more diaper changes, more appointments, more emotional labor.
• Loss of Couple Time: As children require more attention, time for connection, romance, and shared experiences can dwindle.
• Stress and Fatigue: Parenting is physically and emotionally demanding, and chronic stress can impact how partners relate to each other.
• Conflicting Priorities: Career goals, personal hobbies, and parenting responsibilities can create tension around how time and energy are spent.

Understanding these challenges is the first step toward managing them more effectively.

Ways Parenting Can Strengthen a Marriage

While parenting introduces stressors, it can also deepen your connection when approached with intention. Many couples report a stronger sense of purpose, teamwork, and mutual admiration when navigating parenthood together.

Parenting can:

• Foster Deeper Empathy: Seeing your partner care for your child often brings a new level of respect and admiration.
• Build Teamwork: Facing the daily challenges of raising kids together creates shared memories and a sense of unity.
• Encourage Growth: Parenthood challenges you to become more patient, understanding, and selfless—traits that also benefit your marriage.

To truly reap these benefits, however, couples must be deliberate in how they approach co-parenting.

Strengthening Your Marriage Through the Parenting Years

Here are some practical strategies to help you and your partner stay connected while raising your children:

1. Create a United Front

Children thrive on consistency. Parents do too. Talk through your parenting values, discipline styles, and priorities. Presenting a united front doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, but it means discussing disagreements privately and showing mutual support in front of your kids.

• Have regular “parenting huddles” to align on decisions.
• Compromise when necessary to ensure both voices are valued.
• Reassure each other that you’re in this together.

2. Divide and Conquer (Fairly)

It’s common for one parent to feel like they’re doing more, especially if they’re home more often. Avoid resentment by openly discussing the division of parenting and household duties.

• Make responsibilities visible (e.g., shared calendars or chore charts).
• Re-evaluate workloads during life transitions (e.g., school start, new job).
• Support each other in moments of burnout or overwhelm.

3. Protect Couple Time

Your relationship still needs nurturing, even when your kids are young. Don’t let parenting completely eclipse your partnership.

• Schedule regular date nights—even if it’s just watching a movie after the kids go to bed.
• Celebrate anniversaries and special moments.
• Make time for daily check-ins to stay emotionally connected.

4. Communicate Openly and Often

The parenting journey evolves quickly. What worked for your toddler might not work for your teen. Keep talking.

• Share your feelings about parenting without judgment.
• Validate each other’s concerns and challenges.
• Discuss what’s working and what needs to change.

5. Let Go of Perfection

Perfectionism in parenting can create unnecessary stress and competition. Focus on being a “good enough” parent and partner rather than an idealized version.

• Celebrate small wins, like getting everyone out the door on time.
• Laugh together when things go wrong.
• Extend grace to yourself and your partner.

6. Recognize Each Other’s Contributions

Acknowledging your partner’s parenting efforts builds appreciation and reduces conflict.

• Say thank you for everyday efforts.
• Compliment their strengths as a parent.
• Show admiration in front of your children to model respect and love.

7. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

When parenting challenges are impacting your marriage, professional guidance can be transformative. You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to seek support.

Marriage counselors can:

• Help you navigate parenting disagreements constructively.
• Facilitate better communication and conflict resolution.
• Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy.

You’re On the Same Team

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s full of joy, exhaustion, laughter, frustration, and growth. At its best, it offers an opportunity for couples to evolve together. But it’s easy to lose sight of your relationship in the process. If your marriage has taken a backseat to parenting, you’re not alone—and you’re not out of options.

At Mankato Marriage Solutions, we help couples find their footing during the most demanding stages of family life. Whether you’re struggling with co-parenting conflicts, feeling emotionally disconnected, or just want to strengthen your bond, our experienced therapists are here to guide you. Parenthood changes everything—but it doesn’t have to weaken your marriage. With the right tools and support, it can make your relationship even stronger.