When the Leaves Turn: Navigating Transitions in Marriage
- By Thad Shunkwiler, LMFT
Autumn is a season of change. The air cools, the leaves shift into brilliant colors, and life seems to slow down just a little. For many couples, fall can also mirror the changes happening in their own lives: children moving out, careers shifting, health concerns surfacing, or even just the recognition that 20 years of marriage doesn’t look the same as year five.
Transitions are a normal part of any relationship, but they can feel unsettling. What used to feel stable now feels unfamiliar. For some couples, this is when they quietly begin to drift apart. For others, conflict rises to the surface. The good news? With intentional work, transitions don’t have to pull you apart—they can actually bring you closer together.
At Mankato Marriage Solutions, we specialize in helping couples navigate these pivotal moments with clarity, compassion, and renewed connection.
Change is hard because it challenges our sense of security. If you’ve built decades of habits around routines, kids, or careers, a major shift can leave couples wondering: What does “us” look like now?
Common transitions that shake long-term marriages include:
- Children leaving home (“empty nest” adjustments)
- Retirement or career changes
- Caring for aging parents
- Health challenges and lifestyle changes
- Moving homes or downsizing
Each of these brings stress, uncertainty, and sometimes very different emotional needs between partners. Without healthy communication, couples may respond with distance, frustration, or resentment.
The key to navigating change is not pretending everything will stay the same—it’s learning how to grow through it together. Here are a few strategies we share with couples in therapy:
- Acknowledge the Change Openly
It may sound simple, but naming the shift matters. Say things out loud like, “It feels strange without the kids here” or “Retirement is harder to adjust to than I thought.” When you name it, you take away some of its silent power. - Revisit Your Shared Vision
Transitions are a great time to ask: What do we want this next season of our life to look like? Maybe it’s traveling, picking up a hobby together, or just spending more intentional time with family. Couples who dream together often stay more connected. - Give Each Other Space for Individual Growth
It’s normal for partners to experience change differently. One might grieve the empty nest, while the other feels excited about newfound freedom. Respecting these differences prevents unnecessary conflict. - Lean on Rituals
Small rituals—morning coffee, evening walks, or Sunday dinners—become anchors when everything else feels in flux. Protecting these simple touchpoints helps couples feel secure.
Sometimes couples feel stuck, even with the best intentions. If your conversations quickly escalate to arguments, or if you’re feeling more like roommates than partners, that’s a sign it may be time to bring in professional support.
Couples counseling isn’t just for those on the brink of divorce. In fact, the couples who benefit most from therapy are often those who come in before things break down. A few guided sessions can help you:
- Improve communication around sensitive topics
- Rebuild intimacy and closeness
- Learn tools to manage conflict constructively
- Create a shared plan for your future
As the leaves change, ask yourself: How do I want my marriage to change with it? Will this season be one of disconnection—or one of renewed closeness?
At Mankato Marriage Solutions, we believe it’s never too late to strengthen your relationship. Our therapists specialize in helping couples navigate life transitions with compassion and practical tools. Whether you’ve been married five years or fifty, your relationship deserves attention, care, and intentional investment.
Ready to take the next step? Call us today or visit https://mankatomarriagesolutions.com/contact/ to schedule an appointment. Let this fall be the start of a new chapter in your marriage—one marked by connection, understanding, and hope.